sometimes i think being in the liminal place between not being completely over my last relationship and not being ready for my next one gives me a different perspective on relationships in general.

i look at the relationship patterns of the people around me and i wonder how i fit into them. the couples who fought through thick and thin and, now that they are married will respect that commitment. the friends who date socially, sometimes with poor judgement in mates and never quite finding a relationship that clicks. the friends that are in relationships that i wonder about – particularly dating nonchristians that concern me. the couples that are together now but the tension between them is often palpable. the folks who’ve given up on relationships completely.

i occasionally worry that i am becoming one of the latter. that a wellspring of bitterness and fear is building up that will convince me to avoid intimacy in the future. other times i talk to my friends who seem to be dating in response to a fear that they will be alone – not a camp i want to be in either. i want my relationships to be authentic, to be meaningful and not simply responses to my own fears and possibilities.

it’s hard to not want to “eat the sheep” as they say around here, to be active in meeting folks and spreading the gospel without seeking out those of the opposite sex for relationships in that place. i can still remember the cheesy radio ads for the christian dating service – equally yoked – that as lame as it is correctly reflected the truth that christian relationships ought to have christ at the center. of course, the church should not be a ‘meat market’ either. so how do people meet each other and develop successful relationships?

sometimes when you look at at thing from the outside for too long it becomes opaque and mysterious.