on friday i found myself standing half-drenched in red square on my lunch hour, surrounded by a community of saints excited to praise god that night at shakina 2005. the speaker – whose name i unfortunately cannot recall – was difficult for me to hear, and made me recognize a place in my faith where i struggle.

he began by speaking of his own story and of the salvation in Jesus he found while recovering from drug abuse and in jail. he then began to share that our God was not a god of words but a god of actions and miracles; signs and wonders. he then proceeded to call out fairly specific injuries that he felt God was asking him to heal, and began praying out for specific people as they crossed red square, and this is where i began to be distressed.

his style reminded me of nothing more than showmanship. he prayed out healing over a few folks, but it wasn’t clear that he had been anything other than statistically lucky in finding maybe half the aliments he called out. was there healing for a slightly tweaked wrist and a runner whose calf hurt on long runs? when he prayed for the gift of poetry for young man who was a writer it was wonderous that he had been shown that. when he prayed for the gift of music for a young woman and she wasn’t musically interested at all it was God opening a new gift in her life. it felt… cheap, like he was making statments that were unfalsifiable. it was tough for me to see how the glory of God was being revealed in his talk.

one part of me says that i am being cynical. i come from a tradition where God’s spirit – though not dispensationalist – moves in power very rarely, and not at all as we expect. i acknowledge that weakness in my faith and i pray that i can see miraculous things. i still am always doubtful when i see healing prayed for and not received, or when people are healed of mild conditions. the stories of the apostles are of making the deaf hear, the blind see, the lame walk – these are not sprained wrists but substantial and verifiable medical problems. the words of the prophets are not generic but specific – praying a specific anointing on someone with God’s knowledge and power.

another part of me says that i am being discerning. perhaps God’s power was not there; if so by what authority was this man speaking? was he simply being showy to attract the attention of the non-Christians without having any actual power behind him? why would that be the case? obviously i think that he was a man of God and so choose to be charitable and chalk it up to my cynicism but it continues to grieve me.

our God is a God of miracles large and small. he is the God that defeated death from sin and i want to know him fully, but i also know that he is a personal and powerful God, not a conjuror of cheap tricks. so am i missing something?