it seems like i’ve been busy.

it probably seems that way because i have been, sort of. certainly i’ve been active, out doing things and running around, but i’ve also had plenty of free time in the evenings and mornings where i’m not inspired to do anything, but i’m also not luxuriating in the time to do nothing. i’m rarely relaxing. i find myself semi-compulsively hitting up my email and websurfing even in my freetime – a bad habit i prefer to leave at the office.

so that’s how i end up spending my free time, and while it’s not particularly unenjoyable, i definitely notice that it puts me in a certain mindset, it makes it difficult for me to simply relax – not so much vegetate as ruminate on things. instead i find myself spazzing around and unable to focus on any particular train of thought for more than a few minutes. this is not good.

i think this fact of modern life is an even better argument for the sabbath. of all the spiritual disciplines i have engaged in, the practice of setting aside a day (or a half-day, even) for the Lord is at once the largest commitment but also the one with which i had the greatest success. i formerly took half-sabbaths on thursday, leaving work at 1pm to go home and just hang out with God for the rest of the day. i’d read some scripture, ponder my life, engage in prayer, even just listen to worship music. i was relatively free of distractions since most of my friends were still at work – occasionally we’d grab a lunch or something – but i didn’t seek to fill that day with things to do. it was never especially structured time, but it was my time with God and i tried to make sure to respect that. one aspect of that is that i set aside my digital world, leaving the computer off and figuring if anyone needed me urgently they could call me. or find me.

it was good, and i look at how busy i’ve become and can’t even rightly remember when i stopped. i want to get back into it, but even now i’m fighting with myself as to when to set that time aside, but in the end i pray that i will find the strength to do so.

huh. i guess that’s my new year’s resolution, then.