while you were here the fun was never-ending, laugh a minute was only the beginning || time combines with memory to silence me

27 July 2006

you know this is not how it was ever meant to be.

the world looks strange, as if the environment around me itself has fallen into the uncanny valley. as if i’m in the matrix version 1.0 and the simulation is just inaccurate enough that around the periphery of my vision i can tell that things are just not right, and the programmers haven’t fixed the little glitches yet.

of course my perception isn’t perfect but there is a sense – sometimes manifested as an intuition just under the surface and other times a present as the crack of a hammer on your thumb or a bite into a jalapeno – that the world isn’t right. and eventually we start to realize that the reason the world seems to be off-kilter from what it should be is because it is. the whole world is living in an episode of the twilight zone and in this version of the story we only have the faintest knowledge somewhere in the back of our primitive mammalian brains that there is the possibility of a better option.

and the tragedy of the whole situation is in our complete inability to grasp this – we can barely come to terms with the death, broken relationships, and hurting people right around us. how much more impossible is it for us to perceive the suffering in the darkest places of the world: in the ghetto, or the middle east or sub-saharan africa? there’s a whole broken world out there and we are ourselves but just a tiny little broken shard in the midst of it.

so we do what we must to survive: we set it aside and we pile our bills on top of it like a birthday card from our distant uncle; we know we ought to respond but so many other things will come first. there’s no way we can deal with it right now, but maybe later. tomorrow perhaps?

but in the end you still can’t get away from the idea that this is not how it was meant to be.

One Response to “you know this is not how it was ever meant to be.”

  1. dennyt said:

    Yeah, whoever meant it to be a certain way should get on to fixin’ it.